For those of you who are like me, you get bored easily when it comes to working out. I wouldn’t necessarily say running is my favorite pastime, but it’s fine if you just want to sweat. When I don’t feel like subjecting myself to shin splints and humidity, I need someone to tell me what to do in order to get a solid workout.
Once I realized this, I thought of personal training. Just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. I may do it reluctantly, but I’ll do it. Lunges, sprints, free weights, you name it. But after I tried that for a while, I still wasn’t satisfied. Cue trial of exercise classes. After having attended classes like Spin (hurts down to the bones in my backside), Zumba (could I look any more uncoordinated than I do at this moment), and Cardio Step (previous comment, times 1000), I had had enough. Then, Pure Barre came to my college town.
I had heard of the mysterious “barre” classes based off of ballet that were supposedly extremely effective, but I did not know what I was getting myself into that first class. Why do we only use two pound weights? Is this some sort of joke? What do I do with this red ball that is so small I can palm it? Ah, how ignorantly confident I was.
Let’s take a few minutes to break down the sections of each class.
You start with a warm-up section. At least, that’s what the instructors call it. For me, the words “can’t breathe” are flashing across my mind halfway through. After proving my incoordination trying to tap my right elbow to my left knee, and vice versa, while standing up, I am then supposed to plank for one minute and 30 seconds. Harder than it sounds, when the entire time you are tucking to the right, tucking to the left, circling to the right, circling to the left, tucking to the center, or a variation of these. PSA: “tuck” is another word for “awkwardly thrust your hips forward and wonder if you’re doing it correctly.” Directions such as “Up, hold”, “Up, freeze” blare through the speakers – Aren’t those the exact same thing? I think to myself. The best part of the warm-up section is after your triceps, biceps and shoulders are on fire, and you’re stretching all the muscles you just worked. It’s a little slice of heavenly rest.
By far the section I, and most everyone else, dread most is next: thighs. Three different exercises intended to lift, tone and burn your upper legs into the thigh equivalent of Adonis. Let me tell you, Adonis does not know pain like the thigh section of Pure Barre. As you participate in each exercise (on your highest pair of tippy toes, or on your heels, or heels together toes apart, or zipping your legs together on your highest pair of tippy toes), and you’re gripping the barre as if your life depends on it, you feel the burn. A few seconds later, your legs start to quiver uncontrollably. It takes all you have a) not to collapse onto the floor and wave a white flag, b) not to burst out laughing, because this feels so unnatural, c) not to classify this as torture, or d) all of the above. I’ll let the reader take an educated guess. “Embrace the shake,” “Shaking means you’re changing,” “If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.” Oh, and my personal favorite, “The higher the heels, the thinner the thighs.” The amount of times I have wanted to slap someone who says these phrases to me is innumerable.
But the thing is, the instructors are right. There is no better feeling in the world than coming out of the thigh section feeling proud of what you accomplished. At least, there is no better feeling during a Pure Barre class specifically.
After stretching out our legs in a five minute safe haven, we move onto the seat section. Seat, because ladies don’t use the word “butt.” Similar experiences are to be had in this section, but with exercises that target the outer seat on both legs and the base of the seat. This is where the idea of “lifting” really makes sense. The goal is to work so that eventually your seat will be lifted off of your hamstrings, becoming more tight and toned. The hard part here is targeting the outer seat areas. If you’re standing on your left leg while working your outer right seat, you may also feel it in your outer left seat if you haven’t built up enough strength to stand on that leg alone. A few thoughts that cross my mind during these times: I don’t understand, aren’t we on the right seat? Why am I feeling it in my left? Am I the only one thinking this? I guess it’ll even out on the other side anyways. This is when the instructors are extremely helpful in providing modified versions of the exercise for weak people like me.
NOTE: In every section, from warm-up to abs and lower back, the exercises change every day. Instructors know a wide variety of them so that no one class is the same. If you walk into class and see the double bands instead of the single band, good luck to you. That class will be especially challenging. If you walk in and see the bands with the velcro… Well, good luck figuring out how to wrap them around the bar so that it doesn’t awkwardly fall apart in the middle of an exercise.
The following section takes place on the floor underneath the barre. I like to call it the “I-Can’t-Keep-My-Leg-Straight-And-My-Arm-Is-Starting-To-Hurt” section. It doesn’t require extreme flexibility, but if you have that at your disposal, you’re much more at ease than others. Breathing properly is key if you want to get as much as you can out of this portion of class. I honestly can’t put into words exactly what happens during this section, because I am still wrapping my head around it myself. You’ll just have to go to a class to find out.
Once you hit the abs section, you know you’re on the home stretch. Thank goodness. Your limbs are jello at this point. Pure Barre does a great job of targeting all abdominal muscles, including lower, upper and obliques; in other words, every muscle that you feel just never changes shape. Everyone groans (silently) in unison when the teacher utters “reverse crunches.” And finally, because “strong backs support strong abs” (yes, I may have memorized every motivational phrase ever given in PB), you have a quick lower back exercise to balance the work out.
Look at that. 50 minutes have passed, and you only have 5 minutes left to go. After a few more awkward thrusts into the air during a section known as “back dancing” (my favorite PB term), you’re finally stretching everything out. And even though you thought you looked ridiculous, embarrassing, and downright idiotic at times, it’s worth the feeling at the end.
LTB. Lift. Tone. Burn. Pure Barre is spot on when it comes to their motto. It’s hard. It’s tiring. Sometimes you want to give up. Okay, I want to give up the majority of the time. But with the inspiration from the instructors and the positive group mentality surrounding you, you will get sucked in after one class. I guarantee it. And not only will you like the environment, but you’ll like the results, and you’ll like how fast you notice them. Have my shoulders always had a slight V-shape? No, they haven’t. Do my arms look more toned? Probably, but it also might be the mirrors at Pure Barre. That is undetermined. Has my stomach always had this much definition? Quit fooling yourself. Did that thigh exercise seem easier than usual? No, it never gets easier. Sorry.
Pretty soon, you will know the instructors by name, and they will know you. They’ll congratulate you in class when you have great form. They’ll correct you when you have… not-so-great form, to put it mildly. Which happens a lot at the beginning. But with a class like “Breaking Down the Barre,” which goes over specific technique, it’s easy to fall in step with everyone else. There are also “Bring On the Men” classes for all you brave guys out there.
I have never been more addicted to a workout than I am to Pure Barre. I most certainly am not the strongest in the room, and I definitely do not have the best form there. But, when you boil it down to the number one reason why I like it: it works.
It’s Fitness Friday. Go run or something.
The Brandwasher 