Costco: A Love Letter

My Dearest Costco,

Anyone who has visited you more than once can attest to the feeling of jubilation they get as they walk through the doors. They know exactly what to expect, which is why sheer and utter joy is permanently etched on their faces in a half-wonder, half-amazement smile.

As I walk in, you greet me with everything I can’t afford, even with your low prices. Plasma screen TVs, new Apple computers, the latest in your-neck-might-stay-that-way technology, I mean, iPhones. Basically all of the gadgets a Millennial could want, need, or think they want or need, but can’t have. What a tease.

The household appliances stop me, too. For some reason, I find myself thinking, ‘Do we need a new toaster?’ or ‘I bet having a mini fridge would be useful’ or ‘I probably won’t have a house phone in the future, but that one looks pretty legit.’ You draw me in every time, Costco.

The best part about you is your free samples. Sorry, I said it. The best part about you is free. But your all-knowing employees place the samples right next to the baked goods, and I’m lured in even further. Chocolate croissants, lemon pound cake, salted caramel pretzel white chocolate chip swirl cookies (they probably exist) – it’s like you’re begging me to be gluttonous. As soon as I walk into the produce section, with its freezing air blasting me in the face, I think, ‘Is this worth getting a 15-pack of apples?’ And I want to walk right back out to where the chocolate cake is. You’re a smart one, Costco.

You have me buying so many things I don’t need, like a box of 60 Chewy bars with two different flavors. A) I know for a fact I will never want to eat those flavors again after I’m finished, and B) It will take me forever to finish that. But how could I say no? Where else do you find bulk items like these? Sam’s Club? Ha.

If anyone wants to overload on vitamins, you’ve got them covered. If they hate going out to buy laundry detergent, you are only so willing to make it easier for them. The clothing I find questionable at best, but I know a few people who have actually bought a sweatshirt or two (looking at you, mom). I could spend an hour just browsing through the book selection alone.

Costco, you take up so much of my time, and you steal so much of my money. But I continue to come back to you. Even with your long checkout lines; even though I hate that you don’t give me any bags to put my purchases in; I will never let you go. And now that your relationship with AMEX is no longer exclusive, I’m sure you’ll be reeling in new suckers in no time.

Forever and always,

L

This, Not That

If you do not agree with me on these topics, please refrain from reading my blog…

Kidding. Please continue, because you are one of few readers. Hooray for varying opinions and subjectivity.

1) Spotify, not Pandora

WHY: You can build your own playlists and download entire albums at a time. You also have the option of purchasing an account with no advertisements on Spotify (ironic how I avoid those, seeing as that is the industry in which I’m trying to pursue a job).

2) Delta, not Southwest

WHY: Because I’m from Atlanta, and so is Delta. Plus, I’ve been flying with them since I was a fetus. Told you this would be subjective.

3) Google, not Bing

WHY: “I’m gonna Bing it,” said no one ever.

4) Apple, not Microsoft

WHY: iPhone, iPad, MacBook (Pro, Air, etc.) , iPod, Apple TV… do I need to go on?

5) Target, not Walmart

WHY: Refer to the related blog post on this subject.

6) Dick’s Sporting Goods, not Sports Authority

WHY: Maybe the store should be called “Lack of Inventory and Customer Service” Authority.

7) Disney World, not Six Flags

WHY: I hate roller coasters so much. Disney World has more variety in their rides. Also, it makes me feel like my only worry in the world is which ice cream flavor I should get, instead of which ride is going to send me flying into the air toward my inevitable death.

8) CVS, not Walgreens

WHY: Walgreens was the new kid on the block in my neighborhood growing up. I didn’t like it. The End.

9) Willy’s Mexicana Grill, not Moe’s Southwest Grill

WHY: My friends know how much I truly believe in this. It is a loyalty buried deep down in my soul stemming from the fact that a) Willy’s has better cheese dip and b) Willy’s has better everything else, too.

10) Domino’s, not Papa John’s

WHY: Garlic crust. C’mon.

11) Publix, not Kroger

WHY: “Where Shopping Is A Pleasure” (that’s what I need) vs. “Right Store. Right Price” (snore). Also, Publix subs cannot be beaten.

12) Nike, not Adidas

WHY: Girl moment: Nike shorts and Nike shoes are the best. Boy moment: Nike is endorsed by athletes like Michael Jordan, Rory McIlroy and Roger Federer.

13) TJ Maxx, not Marshall’s

WHY: I know they are basically the same store to most people, but in my opinion, TJ Maxx is far better organized and clean while also having better options.

14) Dove, not Secret

WHY: Dove makes deodorant, hair products AND soap. Boom.

15) AT&T, not Verizon

WHY: I’ve been an AT&T customer since I got my first cell phone, so yeah, this is obviously biased. Also, AT&T has the greatest cable service ever, otherwise known as U-Verse. I don’t see Verizon pulling out any stops for cable.

16) Coca-Cola, not Pepsi

WHY: If you need an explanation, shame on you.

17) Chick-fil-a, not [insert any other fast food chain]

WHY: Don’t get me wrong; I like many other fast food restaurants. However, Chick-fil-a invented the chicken sandwich and the chicken biscuit. Everyone else is a poser.

18) People Magazine, not Us Weekly

WHY: I have an inexplicable loyalty to and deep trust of People Magazine.

19) Ben & Jerry’s, not Haagen Dazs

WHY: One word: “core” – Google that word with Ben & Jerry’s. You’re welcome.

20) Amazon, not eBay

WHY: Amazon has the option of personally selling your x, y, and z just like eBay. But if you’re the buyer, you don’t have to have an occasional panic attack about a bid war with some 12 year old in Indonesia.

21) Instagram, not Facebook

WHY: I’m aware that Facebook now owns Instagram, but if you keep the two entities separate, Instagram is the clear winner. The only things people care about on Facebook, photos, are the only focus of Instagram. No more invitations to “like” a page dedicated to lamps.

22) Cinnamon Toast Crunch, not Golden Grahams

WHY: This is a clear rip-off. You’re not fooling anyone, GG.

23) Netflix, not Hulu Plus

WHY: Hulu Plus does not have its own various television series that have won Emmys.

24) The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, not Jimmy Kimmel Live

WHY: Whoever says they do not want Jimmy Fallon to be their best friend, confidant, husband, partner, camp bunkmate, breakdancing rival, or personal thank you note writer is a liar. Plus, The Roots are incredible.

25) NFL, not NBA

WHY: The Atlanta Hawks have never inspired me to be interested in professional basketball. Granted, the Atlanta Falcons aren’t very motivating either. I guess this is a moot point.

That’s all I have. For now.

10 Reasons Why I Love Target

Tar-get. Tar-jay. No matter what you call it, this is a place where dreams come to fruition. It’s where you can buy your favorite guilty pleasure frozen pizzas (Palmero’s, anyone?), while also buying the new trendy Apple product, because the iPhone 5 is like, so last year. Oh, and you obviously have to get that scarf. It would look great with those new boots you just threw in the cart. Here are the 10 reasons why I love Target, and so should you:

1) Walking in the door, you are immediately greeted with a plethora of carts to choose from. Never in my life have I walked into this store to see a shortage of these oversized, anxious-to-be-filled goodie bags. What’s that you say? Your cart has one of those broken wheels that forces you in the exact opposite direction you want to go? (Side bar: this is inevitable at any store that uses carts.) No need to worry. There are plenty others waiting to be snatched up.

2) Target knows their consumer extremely well, and therefore knows how to organize its sections to promote optimal purchasing habits. Now I don’t have any statistics in front of me that can prove this, but I would be willing to bet that the wide majority of Target go-ers are women. Please, hold your applause for my gambling capabilities. Because of this, the sections are set up around the store to appeal to the wants and needs of the woman consumer, as well as the commonality of the purchases. (I realize how this sounds: the stereotypical mother role. She does the shopping for the kids, for the groceries, or for her husband. What can I say, I’m somewhat of a traditionalist. Kudos to you, Mr. Mom.) Clothing, accessories, shoes and intimates? All can be seen within the first minute of walking in, and in all likelihood, most of these are impulse purchases. Household products, toiletries and groceries are the next most convenient sections. Home decor and children’s clothing? Right smack dab in the middle of the store. Electronics, given how infrequently people buy them, are placed at the very back. Logical, isn’t it? Some people might say Target should put sections that get the most traffic at the back of the store. As a result, consumers would be forced to pass the less common purchases and take the time to think about if they want or need to buy one of these items. To these people I say, congrats, you’re thinking like a marketer. But as a consumer, I’m fairly happy with my physically lazy self only having to make a short walk to get to my mascara.

3) SALE. It’s the word both men and women get giddy about when they see it. Bodies jump up and down. Eyes bulge out of sockets. High-pitched phrases like “What a steal!” are thrown around every two minutes. And this word, or a variation of it, over which everyone is unnecessarily losing their minds pervades the Target aisles. Which brings me to my next point…

4) The penny-saving, metallic-red shimmering, logo-bearing Target REDcard. Sign up for one of these bad boys, and you can save 5% on every purchase. Granted, this doesn’t sound like much, but when you go into the store with the intention of only buying deodorant and a pack of gum, and you come out with new patio furniture and some puppy food when you don’t even have a puppy, the 5% can take a chunk out of your final total. (Disclaimer: I am not referring to my own past purchases.) On top of that, cardholders get free shipping on the Target website AND 30 extra days for returns with the REDcard. What more could you ask for?

5) The cleanliness of the store is always flawless. I bet Beyonce wrote that chart-topping hit based on her Target experiences… Okay no probably not, but should we start that rumor?

6) You are only as strong as your weakest link. Or so I hear. The good news for Target: when it comes to their employees, there is no weakest link. To those who work the fitting rooms, thank you for cleaning up the tornado of clothes I left in the very last room, as well as the mountain of “no”s and “didn’t work”s and “that couldn’t have been a size small”s building up beside you. To those working in electronics, thank you for answering every obnoxious, ignorant question I (and others) ask you about the difference between this HDMI cord and that one. I know it isn’t enthralling, but you do it with a smile on your face. To those who stock the shelves, you are the reason every single person who walks through those doors is able to buy what they want to buy. Because they certainly wouldn’t walk around trying to find the one dolly that is carrying their value size, sensitive skin, HE laundry detergent with the pretty purple cap. To those who work at check-out, the positive attitudes and genuine interest you show your customers tops off the ultimate Target experience.

“I enjoy meeting people from different places and having a chance to help my store out. I know how important it is to get people in the store to sell our products and make people happy,” Robin, describing her favorite part about working at Target

7) You can be assured of the quality of the products being sold at this store. Designers want to feature their new lines at Target. New fashion trends are being put on display and sold to the masses at an affordable price. Pinterest-lovers and interior design enthusiasts come here with the hope of finding that perfect finishing touch for their new apartment. New York Times Bestsellers are lining the shelves for the bookworm’s perusal. There is something here for everyone, and it’s all available as high quality without breaking the bank.

8) One beauty of Target.com is that if you search for an item, it will tell you whether or not that particular item is sold in stores. What a gift. There is nothing worse than going to a store knowing exactly what you plan to buy, and having someone tell you that either a) “I’m sorry, that’s only sold online” or b) “I’m sorry, we’re out of stock.” I appreciate the apology, and I know this isn’t your fault, but I’m still annoyed. Thankfully, you can avoid this irritating dilemma with Target.com.

9) Has anyone ever seen the TV show Extreme Couponing on TLC? It is truly amazing how much time those people probably put in to saving and organizing all of those coupons. More power to you, I guess. But Target.com has its own collection of coupons, right at your fingertips, and you don’t have to have an encyclopedia-sized binder to put them in. It could be 75 cents off of Bailey’s Non-Alcoholic Coffee Creamer (Um, what? That sounds delicious, and I don’t even drink coffee). Or it could be $10 off a purchase of $40 or more. For those on a budget, like myself, that $10 saved is going towards my next meal out my savings account. Plus, the Target “Cartwheel” app is available for smartphones so that you can get coupons with the tap of a finger.

10) Maybe the most thought-provoking statement made in this post: Target is not Walmart.

So if you ever find yourself in a position where you need to buy a razor and a Razor scooter (not actually sure those are still being sold anywhere), now you know where to start. If you need me, I’ll be starting my Christmas list with the help of Target.com.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

Me, Myself and Brands

Hello friend. Somehow you have stumbled upon (maybe through StumbleUpon) my new hobby, The Brandwasher. My name is Lindsay, a 22 year old female, height 5’9″, weight for my eyes only, blonde hair (shoutout to my hairdresser and/or hero, Cheryl), brown eyes (shoutout to my parents and/or current landlords, Hank and Allison).

LIKES: dogs, Essie nail polish, wearing heels, pizza, being cold when I sleep, The University of Georgia, football, airports, fall, Linville NC, car chargers, Google Maps phone app, Jim Halpert

DISLIKES: Drew Barrymore, clowns, bugs, scary movies, being hot when I sleep, yoga, beer, blow-drying my hair, eye contacts, traffic, rollercoasters

IN AN IDEAL WORLD, I WOULD…: marry a professional British (or Australian) tennis player, travel to New Zealand, eat anything I wanted without having to exercise, be more selfless, have my kids delivered by a stork like in the old days.

I suppose I should get back to the reason behind the title, “The Brandwasher.” After graduating college with a degree in advertising, I have become acutely aware of the surrounding ‘brandscape.’ Alright, I’ll stop. But in all seriousness, everywhere you look, there is a high probability that a brand will be staring right back at you, whether it’s in a department store or in your own bedroom. Brands are immersing themselves into our daily lives, and they’re trying to make themselves even more present through social media.

At times, this can be a good thing. But at other times, it may seem as if the advertising industry which tries to sell us these brands is brainwashing its audience. As a person who wants to work in advertising, I can assure you “To increase the amount of brainwashed nurturing mothers by 25%” is not on any creative brief. It’s not even in the minds of the professionals. They have a job to do like everyone else, and they want to do it in an innovative, engaging manner.

My blog is going to focus on the “brandwashing” idea, but not in the way you may think. I want to narrow in on certain brands in the entertainment and retail genres (I know I might have lost future views there; I’m okay with that) and discuss what they do right and what they could improve on. I want to wash away preconceived notions so that the only thing left is the brand itself.

This is obviously a completely subjective task. Everyone has a right to their own opinions, so I’m going to take some time and express a few of mine. If you can’t take the heat, then get out of the kitchen. Just kidding. Maybe just cool off in a pool or something and come back.

Cheers.