Costco: A Love Letter

My Dearest Costco,

Anyone who has visited you more than once can attest to the feeling of jubilation they get as they walk through the doors. They know exactly what to expect, which is why sheer and utter joy is permanently etched on their faces in a half-wonder, half-amazement smile.

As I walk in, you greet me with everything I can’t afford, even with your low prices. Plasma screen TVs, new Apple computers, the latest in your-neck-might-stay-that-way technology, I mean, iPhones. Basically all of the gadgets a Millennial could want, need, or think they want or need, but can’t have. What a tease.

The household appliances stop me, too. For some reason, I find myself thinking, ‘Do we need a new toaster?’ or ‘I bet having a mini fridge would be useful’ or ‘I probably won’t have a house phone in the future, but that one looks pretty legit.’ You draw me in every time, Costco.

The best part about you is your free samples. Sorry, I said it. The best part about you is free. But your all-knowing employees place the samples right next to the baked goods, and I’m lured in even further. Chocolate croissants, lemon pound cake, salted caramel pretzel white chocolate chip swirl cookies (they probably exist) – it’s like you’re begging me to be gluttonous. As soon as I walk into the produce section, with its freezing air blasting me in the face, I think, ‘Is this worth getting a 15-pack of apples?’ And I want to walk right back out to where the chocolate cake is. You’re a smart one, Costco.

You have me buying so many things I don’t need, like a box of 60 Chewy bars with two different flavors. A) I know for a fact I will never want to eat those flavors again after I’m finished, and B) It will take me forever to finish that. But how could I say no? Where else do you find bulk items like these? Sam’s Club? Ha.

If anyone wants to overload on vitamins, you’ve got them covered. If they hate going out to buy laundry detergent, you are only so willing to make it easier for them. The clothing I find questionable at best, but I know a few people who have actually bought a sweatshirt or two (looking at you, mom). I could spend an hour just browsing through the book selection alone.

Costco, you take up so much of my time, and you steal so much of my money. But I continue to come back to you. Even with your long checkout lines; even though I hate that you don’t give me any bags to put my purchases in; I will never let you go. And now that your relationship with AMEX is no longer exclusive, I’m sure you’ll be reeling in new suckers in no time.

Forever and always,

L

And The Elite Flying Experience Is…

…not Frontier.

I recently took a trip to Washington, D.C. and flew with Frontier Airlines. This is not my usual airline. I felt uncomfortable, like everyone knew by the way I was acting. Delta is my usual go-to, but given how much cheaper the fares were on Frontier, I had to test my brand loyalty. All I have to say is: yikes. But with that round-trip price, I gave it a go.

The first thing I learned is that unless you do your research, you will not know until checking in online that bringing a carry-on bag costs extra with Frontier. And if you are the old school type of person who waits to check in at the airport, it’s going to cost you even more. It’s $5 cheaper to pay online for carry-on and checked luggage with Frontier; and even stranger, it’s $5 cheaper to check a bag than to carry one on. So being the stingy person that I am, I checked. No luggage was lost, if that’s what you’re thinking.

The next step in the check-in process was choosing your seat. It cost $8 just to claim one, something I obviously wanted to do so that I wasn’t bumped off of the flight without a seat assignment. It suddenly dawned on me that, ah, yes, of course their fares are inexpensive; they have eighteen fees that show up out of nowhere leading up to the flight, like the world’s worst treasure hunt.

At one point while waiting to board for my initial flight, a woman sat next to me and asked if I had ever flown with Frontier, clearly just as nervous as I was, for no apparent reason. We bonded over the absurd carry-on fees, and she left once boarding began to try to sneak on her luggage without anyone noticing she hadn’t paid. I liked her.

The boarding process went smoothly until I actually boarded the plane. I looked at the rows, squinting my eyes like I was trying to read a name tag from far away, unable to find where the seat numbers were. How did all of these people find their seats without issues? Did they count the rows? Did they assume seats A-F were in order from left to right? Granted, they usually are, but regardless, it was confusing. I finally saw the seat numbers and letters (that with Delta are prominently displayed on the bins above the seats) on the bottom of the bins where the lights were located. Who would think to look there? Apparently everyone else.

Don’t get me started on the in-flight services. No free snacks. No free sodas. No, “Would you like pretzels, peanuts, or cookies?” the answer to which is always pretzels. I immediately said no, thank you, and tried to convey my frustration of no free snacks, but I am certain the flight attendant just moved on with her life without regard to my passive aggressiveness.

Overall, it wasn’t like I was forced to sit in the aisle or had a drink deliberately poured on my lap, but the experience was just alright. It proved my love and admiration for Delta has some value, with its free snacks, free drinks, free first carry-on, digital boarding passes and the knowledge that finding my seat won’t give me an anxiety attack.

Thanks for being you, Delta.

Glory, Glory

Although most people don’t think about it this way, a school is a brand and a business. What makes a brand successful are the positive experiences that users have with it. With that in mind, I would like to discuss the University of Georgia as a successful brand.

Every day, you can see students walking around the Arch, not through it. We knew we looked ridiculous, ducking our heads and jumping backwards, yelling, “Oh sh**!” For a split second, we thought we wouldn’t graduate, because our heads went through, too busy looking down at our phones to watch where we were going as we walked to class.

Many people tried to avoid seeing acquaintances on campus. For girls, it was because we very rarely put in the time and effort to look presentable for class. Girls hate every aspect of getting ready (unless for a formal event); they dread it, complain about it, then the moment comes. And as they are applying their makeup and blow drying their hair, they still wish they could hire someone to do it for them 24/7. So in the scenario of seeing a familiar face on campus, a lot of students would just push their sunglasses further up their nose (even if it was overcast) and look at their phone so intrigued, you would think they just discovered fire. Guys did it, too. But no one was ever truly offended by this. It was more of a mutual, “I’m really tired, maybe a little hungover, and the last thing I want to do is make small talk with you on the way to my Greek Mythology class at 9 in the morning.” Each person would move on with their day and greet that person later, perhaps when they had had more caffeine and sleep. If you parked at Hull Street, you would consider putting on your sunglasses immediately after exiting your car in the deck, as everyone and their mother parked there. For me, this sometimes led to embarrassing jumps into the air as my friends drove by honking at me.

Having a class outside was just as exciting as it was in high school. If you had to be there, at least there was an opportunity to people watch as you weaved in and out of daydreaming. And if you had a class on South Campus? Well, you got used to being ten minutes late every day. Putting all of your faith into the bus system was never a good way to be on time. You instead turned to your beloved friends, begging them to drop you off at class while bribing them with money and food.

I think it is a safe assumption to make when I say that everyone dreaded the required P.E. course. Some took bowling and almost failed. Some, like me, took racquetball, a sport for which I have no desire to play ever again. That is, of course, until I’m retired and all I do every day is go to a country club that desperately needs a facelift, like my future 70 year old self.

Students know to never buy anything from the UGA bookstore unless they’re rolling around their bathtub in cash. Navigating Grady was one of life’s biggest challenges. Creating your class schedule was an actual art, because nobody had time for class on Fridays. Tuesday/Thursday classes seemed to last approximately eight hours; while in comparison, Monday/Wednesday/Friday (God forbid) classes only seemed to last approximately seven hours. But I guess these hours were somewhat essential if you ever planned to leave Athens. Granted, why would you want to do that?

If you had to make the trek through Tate Plaza, you braced yourself with your sunglasses and phone. Avoid eye contact, or you will either be drawn in or become engaged in an awkward stare contest with the students promoting this or that.

Finals were an odd mixture of dread, depression, and an academic soiree. Everyone you knew would be at the library and the SLC. Some people would even bring sleeping bags and pillows into their study rooms for fear of leaving and losing it come morning. Study snacks and headphones could be found on every desk. The Reading Room was the ideal spot if you needed complete and utter silence to focus; it was also the perfect place to embarrass yourself by having your phone vibrate and ring, shattering the quiet with every second you fumbled with it, anxiously heaving, your heart rate spiked, attempting to just make. it. stop.

Flashback to freshman year dorms. Brumby had not yet turned to the dark side by inviting boys to live between the walls. The shower heads were as tall as my shoulders, which made for an interesting time as I tried to get the shampoo out of my hair. You quickly found out which shower stalls had the best water pressure, and you willingly waited an hour for them. A radio sitting on the line of sinks appeared out of nowhere during the first week – this happened in every single bathroom in every single hallway on every single floor. It was astonishing. Each one of them would be on 100.1 Power Athens. Every time you opened the door, it would be one of three songs playing: Rihanna’s “Only Girl (In the World)”, Katy Perry’s “Firework”, or Chris Brown’s “Yeah 3X”. To this day, I still don’t know if that is actually “3X” or “three times.”

Living in the sorority house had its perks. You had every meal laid out for you three different times a day, not including weekends. Fried Fridays were one of the reasons why Thursday nights were so fun. In Greek life, you had chapter meetings, philanthropy events, sisterhood events, etc. The trick was figuring out how to get out of things you didn’t want to go to while still being eligible for the events you did. At least, that’s how it was in my friend group. To quote one of these friends, “The only time girls are die-hard fans of their sororities are rush and Greek Grind.” Truer words were never spoken.

Gamedays in Athens are incredibly exciting and intoxicating (no pun intended) scenes. Everywhere you turn, red and black is in your direct and peripheral views. UGA fans are high-fiving each other on the streets. Tailgates are blasting music ranging from Willie Nelson to Jay-Z. People come together from all over the country (mostly the South) to unite in their love and passion for UGA Football. Given the crowd’s reaction, you would think Ryan Gosling was walking into the bar if Aaron Murray and Todd Gurley strolled in after a win. The bell would still be ringing. Ain’t nothin’ finer in the land…

Thursday nights were absolute chaos. Wonderful, exhilarating chaos. 8es Bar was a hidden gem (RIP). The happiness that a dog shows when given a new toy is equivalent to that which you felt walking into Silver Dollar or Gameday and seeing all of your friends (maybe Moonshine, if you’re feeling really nostalgic). If it was sunny, you could be sure people would be on the Theatre rooftop drinking and enjoying the weather. Georgia Theatre brought acts to Athens like Drive-By Truckers, Disclosure, Dirty Guvs, and Cherub. On any given night, there would either be a concert or a private event booked.

Twilight weekend is wild, hectic, crowded, overwhelming, and by far the best weekend of every spring semester. I don’t think anyone could ever invent or create a better Fall Break than Georgia/Florida weekend. Studying abroad was trendy, cool, expensive, and awesome; nevertheless, by the end of their trip, students always wanted to be back home. To be back in Athens.

Downtown Athens on a spring day put anyone in a good mood. During the winter, we would drive downtown with no other purpose than to look at the Christmas lights and listen to holiday music.

Snow days in Athens were like having rain in Los Angeles, except more fun. Even when there wasn’t any snow left on the ground, HOLD UP. We are not going to have class today due to the highly unlikely probability that someone will have a wreck on the way to school from the water rising a quarter of an inch off the ground. For students, this was like Christmas. Christmas came five days in a row last year.

Sometimes after four years of college, people are ready to move on with their lives. But four years at the University of Georgia will never, ever be enough time. It goes by a thousand times faster than anyone describes. We lived in houses with our best friends. We went to the movies on a weeknight instead of finishing that fifteen page paper. We congregated with our roommates in our living rooms to watch tv and pretend like we were doing work. We had the never-ending conversation of La Parilla vs. Agua Linda, but always ended up at Taqueria. We went to Pauley’s on Wednesday nights, because why not? Those four years were a time to find yourself with the help of your friends.

The feeling of coming back to Athens after summer break was like the feeling you felt when you left it for summer break. A year ago today, I had just started my last semester at UGA. Now, every time I return, I get the same feeling of going back home after being away for a while – a giddy, uncontrollable glee.

Here’s to the greatest brand ever to grace the earth. And to hell with Georgia Tech.

Oh The Weather Outside Is Weather…

I decided to forego my usual brand discussion and instead talk about my favorite time of year, the holidays. That’s not to say there aren’t certain aspects of this season that grind my gears a little bit. These are a few things that I could and couldn’t do without.

1. Christmas music puts everyone in a good mood. No one can honestly say that Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” anthem won’t cheer them up in any scenario. But please, the day after Halloween is not the time to start playing this. You’re getting overzealous.

2. Decorations. Christmas lights, stockings, Christmas trees. The whole nine yards. My family has approximately an infinity plus one different Santa Claus figurines, statuettes, pillows, snow globes – you get the point. We also have our fair share of Nutcrackers, nativity scenes, and chocolate. Maybe a little more than our fair share of chocolate. No complaints here.

3. Buying presents for other people is exciting, but there is almost always a moment in the shopping experience when I would rather be impaled by Rudolph. It passes, but it always happens.

4. Wrapping presents is another iffy activity for me. I can stuff tissue paper in a bag all day long. But if you ask me to use wrapping paper, just know it will get messy. I don’t dislike doing it, but I realize that I’m not good at it. I take solace in the fact that I can hide the rips and uneven paper under the bottom of the box.

5. Watching the people open the presents, on the other hand, I love every part of that. Their faces say it all. Granted, it could take a quick turn if they don’t like what you bought. But hopefully they are polite enough to lie to your face and fake it. If not, perhaps reconsider the people you hang out with.

6. It is finally an appropriate time to watch Home Alone repeatedly. By far one of the greatest Christmas movies of all time (in my opinion, the actual greatest), I never tire from seeing cute little McCauley Culkin (pre-meth addict appearance) swing a full paint can into the face of his enemies. Or brand them with an M off of a doorknob. Or use a scene from Angels With Filthy Souls to pretend he’s shooting at the pizza delivery guy, saying, “Keep the change, ya filthy animal.”

The holiday season is a time to be thankful and enjoy the moment. Once you get to New Years Eve, your stress level will rise again for this overrated holiday. So sit back, relax, and drink eggnog while you can.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays

Getting the Skinny From theSkimm

I like to be in the know. It makes me feel well-rounded when I can have a conversation with someone about what’s going on in the world, be it political or cultural. However, digging through what some people consider news can be a hassle. Yes, it might be cool that a dog pushed a wheelbarrow while on its hind legs; but ultimately, I do not care. That is something I will seek out when the talons of boredom are sinking further into my brain like an eager child’s fingers in a birthday cake.

Enter, theSkimm. They read, you skim. Bonus points: the subscription is free. Every morning I wake up with an email from theSkimm with my daily dose of “That Senator said what?” and “North Korea is at it again.” The writers of the content put a modern twist on the news and explain current events in terms that everyone can understand. They also make it an entertaining read, inserting jabs and humor when they can. It’s the first thing I look at when I wake up every day.

The format is always the same, including a Quote of the Day and a Thing to Know. For example, from today’s post, the Thing to Know reads: “Cuffing Season: A seasonal affliction that affects people who normally like to live la vida single. They find themselves wanting to be ‘cuffed,’ aka in a relationship. ‘Tis the season for spiked eggnog, Mariah Carey, and deleting your Hinge account.” It’s informational humor at its finest.

theSkimm knows it has its readers to thank for its enormous success. Because of this, some newsletters have included giveaways for readers to enter, Thanksgiving recipes, recommended Christmas gifts for that mysterious coworker you got stuck with for Secret Santa, and Skimm’r (a person who Skimms) birthdays. It’s a company that wants to recognize and give back to its readers in any way it can.

Not only does it keep me up to date on why the next potential Secretary of Defense, Ashton Carter, is the equivalent to “the weird-orange filled” chocolate (December 3rd post), it provides a way to knowledgeably communicate with others without sounding like you’re pulling everything out of your… hat.

My advice to you: don’t read the news, Skimm the news.

A Consumer’s View on Spotify

Ever since Taylor Swift refused to stream her new album, 1989, on Spotify and erased all remnants of her older albums as well, there has been a lot of controversy. Was this a selfish move or an attempt to make a statement about the direction of the music industry?

I’m tired of hearing only about the artist’s view. I understand that maybe some people think Spotify doesn’t pay enough loyalties to the artist or label, but I want to talk about what Spotify gives its consumers. Before Spotify, I was wallowing in despair of trying to find new music, questionably retrieving said music, and then feeling guilty about it. Not anymore. And for the record, this list is going to be based on my experience with the full-on, pay-for-your-music option Spotify gives, not the free version with advertisements.

Spotify Pros & Cons

Pro: There are numerous types of playlists ranging from Throwback Thursday to New Music Tuesday which are updated weekly. You don’t have to do anything. A new Britney classic will be on the throwback list probably every two weeks. Who doesn’t want that?

Con: Spotify unfortunately cannot read your mind, therefore it is inevitable that there will be songs on these playlists that you dislike, hate, skip every single time, wish they would disappear, etc.

Pro: You can also create your own playlists. All you have to do is search for a song and add it to whatever playlist you want – it’s that simple. No more waiting for downloads. So if the Spotify Workout playlist doesn’t suit you, you can create your own. I don’t know how much this will help your actual workout, but at least you might feel like you’re being productive.

Con: There is no “Recently Added” playlist that songs are automatically added to like with iTunes. For me, this is a definite negative. When all I used was iTunes, it took a lot of time and energy researching new music and deciding what I wanted. But after that torture, all of my new songs would be in one place, and I would listen to that same playlist over and over again until I got sick of it. Then the process would start over. Sounds weird, but I kind of miss being able to see what songs I most recently added.

Pro: The Spotify mobile app syncs to the Spotify computer app without having to plug in your phone. It is actually amazing. Discovered a song on the go that you added on your phone? It will be on your computer later when you want to listen to it.

Con: There is no parallel con with this pro. The pro is just that good.

Pro: You also have the option of listening to Spotify radio, which is the equivalent of Pandora. Choose an artist, song, or genre to start with, and the rest of the picks will be up to Spotify based on that choice.

Con: Like Pandora, many of these Spotify picks will not be what you want to hear. Skip it or deal with it.

Pro: If you set up your Spotify through your Facebook account, you will be able to follow your friends’ playlists that they create.

Con: Many times Spotify advertises what song you are listening to on other Facebook News Feeds. This can get embarrassing when you think you’re listening to One Direction in privacy.

Pro: Finding new music and new artists has never been easier, and the consumer doesn’t have to commit to a long-term relationship. You can test the waters and listen to a few songs (in total – not 1:30 second snippets) before you decide to add it to your queue and playlists. And if after a while you decide it’s not working out, you can delete them forever from your account and not feel guilty about wasting money.

Con: Like me, you start comparing songs to relationships. Yikes.

No matter what side of the fight you’re on between music industry execs and streaming services, one thing is clear in the consumer’s mind (at least this consumer): Spotify > iTunes > Pandora. So you might as well enjoy it while you can.

People Who Watch Sports Together, Stay Together: FIFA World Cup Edition

Soccer has never been the most popular sport in the U.S. In fact, it’s probably the lowest on the totem pole. Some parents think it’s a good wading pool for their kids; they can dip a toe in, and if they like how it feels, walk a little further. If they don’t like it (maybe because they have no foot-eye coordination or they don’t like running), perhaps they switch over to baseball or golf with enough time to really settle into a sport.

Overall, very few people in the U.S. stick with soccer throughout their childhood, adolescent and college years with the dream of one day playing professionally. This is one reason why some Americans find professional soccer in the U.S. to be a joke, even with David Beckham. According to these same Americans, everyone plays soccer in Europe and South America, and they play it well. But here in the states, people gravitate more towards professional football, basketball or baseball.

This is why when the FIFA World Cup happens every four years, it is inspiring how everyone comes together to root for the red, white and blue in the tournament from beginning to end. Not only does it bring Americans together, including those who love the sport and those who couldn’t care less about it, but it encourages the entire world to obsessively watch the same sport at the same time.

This year, the American team played better than it has in years. Tim Howard is now a household name, unless you’re Ted Lasso (if you don’t understand this reference, Google “the Barclays Premier League with Jason Sudeikis”; you won’t be disappointed). People had parties to watch the games at work, or they skipped work to watch the game at a bar. Every U.S. citizen was cheering for our team, including Will Ferrell who led the motivational chant “I Believe That We Will Win” in a bar in Rio de Janeiro. Everyone felt like they were apart of something bigger. The Summer and Winter Olympics have the same effect.

All this to say that the FIFA World Cup as an event brand knows how to gain traction and followers. Pretty soon, non-soccer fans are yelling at the refs through their televisions screaming, “THAT WASN’T OFFSIDES!” when they actually have no idea what the rule means. Long-time soccer fans are contemplating who Jurgen Klinsmann should start against Ronaldo, because obviously he is going to poll the entire nation before deciding, right? Nope. But regardless, everyone becomes involved.

The ease of the FIFA World Cup website allows anyone with a pulse to navigate through different matches and players, statistics, awards, and ticketing options. During this one month of “Adidas” (All Day I Dream About Soccer – not actually a real acronym, but I like it), fans from the U.S. to Germany will research everything they need to know, and everything that is unnecessary to know, about the sport.

As we count down to the next time we can paint our whole bodies red, white and blue (though I guess you could do this whenever if you really wanted), we cross our fingers that the U.S. is not placed in the group of death once more. See you in 2018, Russia.

This, Not That

If you do not agree with me on these topics, please refrain from reading my blog…

Kidding. Please continue, because you are one of few readers. Hooray for varying opinions and subjectivity.

1) Spotify, not Pandora

WHY: You can build your own playlists and download entire albums at a time. You also have the option of purchasing an account with no advertisements on Spotify (ironic how I avoid those, seeing as that is the industry in which I’m trying to pursue a job).

2) Delta, not Southwest

WHY: Because I’m from Atlanta, and so is Delta. Plus, I’ve been flying with them since I was a fetus. Told you this would be subjective.

3) Google, not Bing

WHY: “I’m gonna Bing it,” said no one ever.

4) Apple, not Microsoft

WHY: iPhone, iPad, MacBook (Pro, Air, etc.) , iPod, Apple TV… do I need to go on?

5) Target, not Walmart

WHY: Refer to the related blog post on this subject.

6) Dick’s Sporting Goods, not Sports Authority

WHY: Maybe the store should be called “Lack of Inventory and Customer Service” Authority.

7) Disney World, not Six Flags

WHY: I hate roller coasters so much. Disney World has more variety in their rides. Also, it makes me feel like my only worry in the world is which ice cream flavor I should get, instead of which ride is going to send me flying into the air toward my inevitable death.

8) CVS, not Walgreens

WHY: Walgreens was the new kid on the block in my neighborhood growing up. I didn’t like it. The End.

9) Willy’s Mexicana Grill, not Moe’s Southwest Grill

WHY: My friends know how much I truly believe in this. It is a loyalty buried deep down in my soul stemming from the fact that a) Willy’s has better cheese dip and b) Willy’s has better everything else, too.

10) Domino’s, not Papa John’s

WHY: Garlic crust. C’mon.

11) Publix, not Kroger

WHY: “Where Shopping Is A Pleasure” (that’s what I need) vs. “Right Store. Right Price” (snore). Also, Publix subs cannot be beaten.

12) Nike, not Adidas

WHY: Girl moment: Nike shorts and Nike shoes are the best. Boy moment: Nike is endorsed by athletes like Michael Jordan, Rory McIlroy and Roger Federer.

13) TJ Maxx, not Marshall’s

WHY: I know they are basically the same store to most people, but in my opinion, TJ Maxx is far better organized and clean while also having better options.

14) Dove, not Secret

WHY: Dove makes deodorant, hair products AND soap. Boom.

15) AT&T, not Verizon

WHY: I’ve been an AT&T customer since I got my first cell phone, so yeah, this is obviously biased. Also, AT&T has the greatest cable service ever, otherwise known as U-Verse. I don’t see Verizon pulling out any stops for cable.

16) Coca-Cola, not Pepsi

WHY: If you need an explanation, shame on you.

17) Chick-fil-a, not [insert any other fast food chain]

WHY: Don’t get me wrong; I like many other fast food restaurants. However, Chick-fil-a invented the chicken sandwich and the chicken biscuit. Everyone else is a poser.

18) People Magazine, not Us Weekly

WHY: I have an inexplicable loyalty to and deep trust of People Magazine.

19) Ben & Jerry’s, not Haagen Dazs

WHY: One word: “core” – Google that word with Ben & Jerry’s. You’re welcome.

20) Amazon, not eBay

WHY: Amazon has the option of personally selling your x, y, and z just like eBay. But if you’re the buyer, you don’t have to have an occasional panic attack about a bid war with some 12 year old in Indonesia.

21) Instagram, not Facebook

WHY: I’m aware that Facebook now owns Instagram, but if you keep the two entities separate, Instagram is the clear winner. The only things people care about on Facebook, photos, are the only focus of Instagram. No more invitations to “like” a page dedicated to lamps.

22) Cinnamon Toast Crunch, not Golden Grahams

WHY: This is a clear rip-off. You’re not fooling anyone, GG.

23) Netflix, not Hulu Plus

WHY: Hulu Plus does not have its own various television series that have won Emmys.

24) The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, not Jimmy Kimmel Live

WHY: Whoever says they do not want Jimmy Fallon to be their best friend, confidant, husband, partner, camp bunkmate, breakdancing rival, or personal thank you note writer is a liar. Plus, The Roots are incredible.

25) NFL, not NBA

WHY: The Atlanta Hawks have never inspired me to be interested in professional basketball. Granted, the Atlanta Falcons aren’t very motivating either. I guess this is a moot point.

That’s all I have. For now.

How Many Hours Have I Spent On Netflix?

Netflix knows it’s doing well. How? Because the phrase “binge-watching” has become more and more common in the every-day conversation.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am absurdly obsessed with television. Part of this stems from my love of popular culture (call me a stereotypical girl); part of this stems from my inexplicable need to feel in-the-know about the current entertainment landscape.

As a result of this strange mix of desire and necessity, I have watched an inordinate amount of TV shows. And it’s all thanks to Netflix. Well, mostly. Although I am the type of person who also follows along with current seasons airing, Netflix has allowed me to either a) catch up on shows so that I can start watching in real time or b) watch an entire series of a show if it has ended. At the risk of completely and utterly embarrassing myself, here are some shows that have taken over my life:

Friday Night Lights, Desperate Housewives, The Office, Parks and Recreation, Scandal, House of Cards, Orange is the New Black, How I Met Your Mother, New Girl, Breaking Bad, Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, Mad Men…

I won’t even mention shows on HBO or Showtime. The point is that Netflix identified the wants of the consumer and delivered with its fairly cheap streaming service of both television shows and movies. If you don’t have your own Netflix account, you’re using someone else’s. And now that you can watch Netflix on your Apple TV (not all of us are so lucky to have one), there is even more of an incentive to start your own account.

Do you have kids? There are plenty of children television shows and movies for them to enjoy. Like documentaries? There is an entire category dedicated to them. From musicals to foreign films, Netflix has something for everyone. Though let’s be honest, some of their categories rarely get any traffic. (Anime? Really?)

Netflix also changes what it offers in relation to what is happening in the world. Right now, you can log in and find a plethora of Halloween horror movies to get you prepared for fall. When Robin Williams passed away, Netflix added some of his most acclaimed movies to celebrate the actor’s life. At Christmastime, you can guarantee that there will be 20+ of your all-time favorite movies of the season.

I never want to know how many hours (ahem, probably days or weeks when you add it up) of my life I have spent binge-watching television shows and searching for new movies on Netflix. That is a testament to the company; it knows what the viewer wants to watch (even if the viewer him or herself doesn’t consciously know), and it delivers.

Apparently, the mail-in DVD service of Netflix has had its fair share of problems. My question is – who on earth is asking to be mailed a DVD? Have you heard of Redbox? Any cable provider’s on demand service? Maybe you deserve to have your DVD come a year later.

Happy binging.

Friday Fitness Feature: Pure Barre

For those of you who are like me, you get bored easily when it comes to working out. I wouldn’t necessarily say running is my favorite pastime, but it’s fine if you just want to sweat. When I don’t feel like subjecting myself to shin splints and humidity, I need someone to tell me what to do in order to get a solid workout.

Once I realized this, I thought of personal training. Just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. I may do it reluctantly, but I’ll do it. Lunges, sprints, free weights, you name it. But after I tried that for a while, I still wasn’t satisfied. Cue trial of exercise classes. After having attended classes like Spin (hurts down to the bones in my backside), Zumba (could I look any more uncoordinated than I do at this moment), and Cardio Step (previous comment, times 1000), I had had enough. Then, Pure Barre came to my college town.

I had heard of the mysterious “barre” classes based off of ballet that were supposedly extremely effective, but I did not know what I was getting myself into that first class. Why do we only use two pound weights? Is this some sort of joke?  What do I do with this red ball that is so small I can palm it? Ah, how ignorantly confident I was.

Let’s take a few minutes to break down the sections of each class.

You start with a warm-up section. At least, that’s what the instructors call it. For me, the words “can’t breathe” are flashing across my mind halfway through. After proving my incoordination trying to tap my right elbow to my left knee, and vice versa, while standing up, I am then supposed to plank for one minute and 30 seconds. Harder than it sounds, when the entire time you are tucking to the right, tucking to the left, circling to the right, circling to the left, tucking to the center, or a variation of these. PSA: “tuck” is another word for “awkwardly thrust your hips forward and wonder if you’re doing it correctly.” Directions such as “Up, hold”, “Up, freeze” blare through the speakers – Aren’t those the exact same thing? I think to myself. The best part of the warm-up section is after your triceps, biceps and shoulders are on fire, and you’re stretching all the muscles you just worked. It’s a little slice of heavenly rest.

By far the section I, and most everyone else, dread most is next: thighs. Three different exercises intended to lift, tone and burn your upper legs into the thigh equivalent of Adonis. Let me tell you, Adonis does not know pain like the thigh section of Pure Barre. As you participate in each exercise (on your highest pair of tippy toes, or on your heels, or heels together toes apart, or zipping your legs together on your highest pair of tippy toes), and you’re gripping the barre as if your life depends on it, you feel the burn. A few seconds later, your legs start to quiver uncontrollably. It takes all you have a) not to collapse onto the floor and wave a white flag, b) not to burst out laughing, because this feels so unnatural, c) not to classify this as torture, or d) all of the above. I’ll let the reader take an educated guess. “Embrace the shake,” “Shaking means you’re changing,” “If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.” Oh, and my personal favorite, “The higher the heels, the thinner the thighs.” The amount of times I have wanted to slap someone who says these phrases to me is innumerable.

But the thing is, the instructors are right. There is no better feeling in the world than coming out of the thigh section feeling proud of what you accomplished. At least, there is no better feeling during a Pure Barre class specifically.

After stretching out our legs in a five minute safe haven, we move onto the seat section. Seat, because ladies don’t use the word “butt.” Similar experiences are to be had in this section, but with exercises that target the outer seat on both legs and the base of the seat. This is where the idea of “lifting” really makes sense. The goal is to work so that eventually your seat will be lifted off of your hamstrings, becoming more tight and toned. The hard part here is targeting the outer seat areas. If you’re standing on your left leg while working your outer right seat, you may also feel it in your outer left seat if you haven’t built up enough strength to stand on that leg alone. A few thoughts that cross my mind during these times: I don’t understand, aren’t we on the right seat? Why am I feeling it in my left? Am I the only one thinking this? I guess it’ll even out on the other side anyways.  This is when the instructors are extremely helpful in providing modified versions of the exercise for weak people like me.

NOTE: In every section, from warm-up to abs and lower back, the exercises change every day. Instructors know a wide variety of them so that no one class is the same. If you walk into class and see the double bands instead of the single band, good luck to you. That class will be especially challenging. If you walk in and see the bands with the velcro… Well, good luck figuring out how to wrap them around the bar so that it doesn’t awkwardly fall apart in the middle of an exercise.

The following section takes place on the floor underneath the barre. I like to call it the “I-Can’t-Keep-My-Leg-Straight-And-My-Arm-Is-Starting-To-Hurt” section. It doesn’t require extreme flexibility, but if you have that at your disposal, you’re much more at ease than others. Breathing properly is key if you want to get as much as you can out of this portion of class. I honestly can’t put into words exactly what happens during this section, because I am still wrapping my head around it myself. You’ll just have to go to a class to find out.

Once you hit the abs section, you know you’re on the home stretch. Thank goodness. Your limbs are jello at this point. Pure Barre does a great job of targeting all abdominal muscles, including lower, upper and obliques; in other words, every muscle that you feel just never changes shape. Everyone groans (silently) in unison when the teacher utters “reverse crunches.” And finally, because “strong backs support strong abs” (yes, I may have memorized every motivational phrase ever given in PB), you have a quick lower back exercise to balance the work out.

Look at that. 50 minutes have passed, and you only have 5 minutes left to go. After a few more awkward thrusts into the air during a section known as “back dancing” (my favorite PB term), you’re finally stretching everything out. And even though you thought you looked ridiculous, embarrassing, and downright idiotic at times, it’s worth the feeling at the end.

LTB. Lift. Tone. Burn. Pure Barre is spot on when it comes to their motto. It’s hard. It’s tiring. Sometimes you want to give up. Okay, I want to give up the majority of the time. But with the inspiration from the instructors and the positive group mentality surrounding you, you will get sucked in after one class. I guarantee it. And not only will you like the environment, but you’ll like the results, and you’ll like how fast you notice them. Have my shoulders always had a slight V-shape? No, they haven’t. Do my arms look more toned? Probably, but it also might be the mirrors at Pure Barre. That is undetermined. Has my stomach always had this much definition? Quit fooling yourself. Did that thigh exercise seem easier than usual? No, it never gets easier. Sorry.

Pretty soon, you will know the instructors by name, and they will know you. They’ll congratulate you in class when you have great form. They’ll correct you when you have… not-so-great form, to put it mildly. Which happens a lot at the beginning. But with a class like “Breaking Down the Barre,” which goes over specific technique, it’s easy to fall in step with everyone else. There are also “Bring On the Men” classes for all you brave guys out there.

I have never been more addicted to a workout than I am to Pure Barre. I most certainly am not the strongest in the room, and I definitely do not have the best form there. But, when you boil it down to the number one reason why I like it: it works.

It’s Fitness Friday. Go run or something.